Yes, I’m a US Citizen

It was good to see that the US Border Patrol actually does exist. You see so much news and hear about the Border Patrol but are not exposed to the dangers that face this country on a daily basis. So driving into Van Horn, TX at 10pm at night, we got to witness first-hand the safety devices in place that attempt to keep us safe. I’m not sure if a simple question of “Are you a US Citizen?” will keep us all safe, as anyone can answer that question however they want, but I’m glad to report that Rachel and I passed the Border Patrol test with 100% accuracy: “Yes we are both US Citizens.”

It’s too bad the US Border Patrol (or any other security force for that matter) could not have protected us from the Ramada Inn Limited in Van Horn, TX. Had we known what we were getting in to, we would have chosen a Mexican shanty over this dirty, inadequate, bug-infested, smelly, musty, side-of-the-road hotel. We were greeted with a happy hello by a little cock roach in our bathroom, which made sense due to the fact that the shower tiles and tub had more grossness on them than the Vegas streets at night. Our bed, which had questionable fuzzies in it that also contained a bug (which had deceased), was about as soft as the freeways we’ve been driving on. Luckily, Rachel being the smart girl that she is, had packed a sheet in our vehicle to cover up our belongings in the back of our car. This “belongings-protecting sheet” became a “Rachel and Josh protecting sheet” as we chose to strip the bed and use that as the sheets we slept on instead of the hotel-provided sheets. We then huddled under our one small blanket in place of the comforter which provided for a long, cold night. Among the other “fun findings” were moths, a broken table chair, blinds that didn’t cover the whole window, yellowish stained walls and a pierced front desk employee who was watching VH1’s “A Shot at Love with Tequila” (or something to that affect). All I heard on the TV when we checked in was explicative after explicative followed by a girl saying “Like, all I could think about, like, was like, making out with her.” Needless to say, this has been the earliest we’ve exited a hotel on our trip thus far, and probably the earliest we will have exited any hotel on our trip. I’m pretty sure (don’t tell anyone) we left the hotel without having showered or shaved and still left cleaner than when we got there – yes, the shower was that gross!

I didn’t realize that El Paso, TX was 8,962,481, 317 miles long. I believe we aged significantly during our time driving through the city. However, I couldn’t help but notice, the beauty that existed as we looked out over the vast amount of lights that sprawled for miles. It is amazing to see God’s creation at night time when you look at a city the size of El Paso. It’s somewhat humbling to know you were one of a few who get to experience a sight such as El Paso, TX at 10pm, a sight that overloads your senses with light and darkness all at the same time.
On a less philosophical note, we passed through 2 time zones in one single day. Does that mean that June 4, 2009 for Rachel & Josh only contained 22 hours? If so, then…that sucks! You all got 24 hours and we got jipped 2 hours of our day. Therefore, if you are reading this, you owe us 2 hours of your time when we get back! You can choose (as long as we approve) how to spend those 2 hours. Okay, just kidding, a day like our Van Horn day reminds me of something. While our day only contained 22 hours and a hotel room that I would love to see Paris or Brittany stay in, it reminds me that the Ramada Inn Van Horn motel as unpleasant as it was for us, is a dream palace to some. I couldn’t help but think of driving in to Tiajuana, Mexico on 2 separate occasions. Earlier, I joked about rather staying in a Mexican shanty, but truly it is no laughing matter. While we enjoy an opportunity to travel around the greatest Nation on Earth at our own pace and leisure, millions starve, wars rage, political corruptness ensues, starvation exists, and still…there is beauty and love to be seen. How is it possible that one person’s dung-hole is another person’s castle? It doesn’t seem right, it doesn’t seem fair, but when in life are we ever promised fairness? I guess you could say that fairness lies in the eye of the beholder. We can choose to let the injustices drag us down, or we can choose to live the life that we have been given. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that has been given to us. We choose to wake up and drive to San Antonio today, and I hope you choose your own “San Antonio,” and to simply do what you can to make this world a better place.

From the Road Less Traveled,
Josh & Rachel

Van Horn Highlights: (believe me when I say this took some fine-tooth combing): a nice air-conditioning unit, a working television, a purple sheet and green blanket (which we provided), an ice machine, arriving late therefore allowing us to spend a minimal amount of time in our hotel, a roof over our heads for the night.

License Plate Update: Idaho, Washington, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Indiana, Texas, Florida, Oregon, California, Colorado, Montana, Wyoming, Illinois, Oklahoma, Maine, New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Minnesota, Alaska, Michigan, Iowa, New Mexico, Arkansas, Maryland, Massachusetts, North Carolina (go Tar Heels!), Virginia, Georgia, Hawaii, Louisiana, Mississippi (36/50)

World Famous Blog #3

This is the world famous sentence #1 of the world famous blog #3 of the world famous honeymoon of the world famous Josh & Rachel Fife. Now back to the world famous reality: not everything is world famous. But apparently putting “world famous” in front of anything can make it an international landmark, or so thought Rosie and her café in the middle of Podunk nowhere, Arizona. Seriously, (this is to be taken literal), it was 100 miles from everything. It was the only place for hundreds of miles on our way to Phoenix from our exciting Vegas stay. It seems that the state of Arizona does not believe in rest areas. We saw no rest stops for hundreds of miles and then out of nowhere, there were 2 that were extravagant. They could have made those 2 a little less extravagant and added a few more earlier on, but Arizona planning and zoning didn’t ask us. Thankfully, like many 3rd world status countries on this earth, they believe in McDonald’s which we used as a make-shift rest stop where we fixed our own meal in the parking lot and only used their restrooms.
Our trip turned into a divine adventure when Rachel was titled a “Guardian Angel” by the nephew of an 84 year old woman who had fallen in the parking lot of the Excalibur hotel as we were loading up our car. Rachel was in the restroom when she saw the lady cleaning up her bloody hands and knee. Being a nurse, instincts took over and Rachel couldn’t help but offer her services. She remembered that they had packed a $9 first aid kit from Walmart in the car, and knew that’s exactly what she needed. Security thought it more important to mark the occasion with photographs than to help a profusely bleeding 84 year old woman (I say profusely to add effect to the story) – it wasn’t really gushing blood but definitely didn’t look good. Not having time to wait for security to document everything, Rachel left the lady and her nephew with band aids & ointment for her to bandage herself up after security was done filing a report. Finally, an hour later than we had hoped, we managed our way out of the city of Las Vegas leaving behind a world that you can only take so much of; two days was certainly enough.
Hoover Dam, although not terribly exciting, was cool to see. Going around the entire Dam at 5 miles per hour was not too cool but it gave us a chance to take in the enormity of just how large this Dam is. It was one of those things we could have stopped for and spent an hour and a half looking at and then have been able to tell everyone what we saw but the view from the car was sufficient. In any event, we can now say we’ve seen the largest Dam in the United States *yeah*.

Now I want you to look at this sign.

Now we all know that had I lived another life, it would not have been lived as a mathematician; however (call me crazy) but I think the mileage between Flagstaff and Phoenix equals 36 miles according to the sign. But if you check your local atlas, as we did, you will see that Flagstaff and Phoenix are not 36 miles apart. Hmmmm….so we have one thing telling us one thing and another telling us another thing. It turns out, whoever is in charge of road signs in Arizona makes mistakes. What we thought was going to be 3 hours, turned into 5.5. If I had the right mind (which apparently I don’t) I’d say we take up the popular thing to do in the United States and sue over “emotional distress.” This could be our million dollar “McDonald’s cup of coffee.” But alas, we won’t even complain too much about a non-working air conditioning unit, a broken television, a burnt out light and noisy kitchen staff at a $280 Anniversary Inn hotel stay (on our wedding night!) so something tells me hundreds of other people will also experience the syndrome known as SDS (Sign Dysfunction Syndrome) as they are heading to Phoenix, Arizona.
Some other quick notes about our day in Phoenix (Scottsdale actually): the 3rd floor of our hotel was bouncing/swaying. They should probably put little tablets of Dramamine on your pillow instead of mints. While the hotel was nice, it would have been nicer if they knew how to control water temperature. The sink water was warmer than the hotel’s hot tub (when turned to cold) and the hotel maintenance custodian man, seemed to think a 1 degree temperature rise in an already cold hot tub was sufficient enough for an “enjoyable” dip in the hot tub – it was not! Other than that, the few people we came across in Old Town Scottsdale were very helpful and nice and it was a nice one night stay on our way to bigger and better things.
For your daily lesson, never underestimate the power of generosity. It can completely revitalize a dying hope in random people and you might just be in the position to be someone’s “Guardian Angel” which is semi-ironic in a city such as Las Vegas where people are all about themselves, good times, selling their bodies for a buck, and drinking nights away. As sad as the world can be, I find extreme hope in one thing: kindness can still rule the day, and that is an encouraging thought in a world that needs some encouragement. More from Van Horn later…

From the Road Less Traveled,
Josh & Rachel

Phoenix/Scottsdale highlights: A super soft (double) bed, a nice shower head, less than expected hot temperatures, generous people, Denny’s within walking distance, 29 mpg gas mileage on our Escape, Rachel’s map reading skills, not having to carry a heavy cooler 10 miles from our car to the room (Vegas…*cough*)

License Plate Update: Idaho, Washington, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Indiana, Texas, Florida, Oregon, California, Colorado, Montana, Wyoming, Illinois, Oklahoma, Maine, New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Minnesota, Alaska, Michigan, Iowa, New Mexico, Arkansas, Maryland, Massachusetts, North Carolina (go Tar Heels!), Virginia (32/50)

Blues and Circuses

*Sorry this is so late! We wanted to post both nights, but unfortunately hotels in Vegas see it fit to charge 12.99 for internet access for 24 hours so we thought we'd hold off and post a one-time Vegas blog, thanks for being patient!*

There’s a fact I have to face in life: windshield wipers just can’t keep up with some rain storms, especially when those darn semi-trucks pass you and kick up an ocean of water onto your already covered windshield. You just have to keep driving – and drive we did, right on into a traffic delayed, construction laden Las Vegas, a city that truly never sleeps. Well, we slept, but the city keeps on going long after the eyes of many have closed for the night and many professional alcoholic consumptioners have found a place (sometimes randomly) to pass out for a few hours in hopes of ending up in the correct hotel room. I’ve been here 3 times now, and it never ceases to amaze me just how crazy some people are – it’s quite scary, and 2 days in Vegas for Rachel and myself has been enough. We did just about everything you could do in two days – well, just about everything that doesn’t involve night clubs or excessive amounts of alcohol followed by meetings of random people who you may or may not end up spending the remainder of your evening with at who knows what Casino with who knows how many other random people that they met earlier in the night – in other words, if you aren’t in control, you could end up in a big mess.
First night brought us the Blue Man Group – which was super awesome for the 3rd time that I’ve seen them. We were a little hesitant at first – when we got to the blue man theatre and the usher looked at our tickets, he said “Wow, first row…you better keep those ponchos on.” See, the blue men use paint and other random yuck that finds its way into the crowd – let’s just say I’ll never look at chewed up Captain Crunch or chewed up Twinkies the same again *shivers*. Luckily, none of the nasty found its way into our laps, and we escaped with clean clothes and great memories of the awe-inspiring abilities of the Blue Man Group and their band. Second night, Cirque de Soleil, and let me just say this…if you’ve never seen a CDS show, GO SEE ONE. I mean, this CDS that we saw defines the word Random (Big guy dressed as baby with unmistakably, almost scary baby laugh, a guy dressed up as a red rooster that did about 30 flips in a matter of 5 seconds on a trampoline, an Einstein look-a-like that locked up this dude in a cage and hit on the dude’s girlfriend…) yeah, see what I mean, random. But the acrobatics and incredible maneuvering those people are able to perform while swinging 50 feet off the ground with a simple rope or two tied to their waist – just amazing!
Before the CDS, we played some Keno and actually won 90 bucks! Well, we had spent about 25 trying to win it, so we were only up 65, then the Jack of Black decided to take another 62 bucks, so we ended plus 3 from where we started – TAKE THAT VEGAS! We came, we saw, we conqu…well, conquered is a strong word but, we won and that’s what counts!
There are a lot of rude, gross people – Vegas reminds me of that but, my dwindling faith in humanity was restored on a small level when we met a new friend from Australia on our way back to our hotel after walking the strip up and down. Leon offered to take pictures for us, and we in turn took some pictures for him. Though our time with our friend was short (literally 5 minutes), he was a kind face in an unkind city. While kindness (and clothes in many cases) are lacking, Leon showed me that occasionally, someone can surprise you. I like to think it was a sort of Christian Karma, because earlier in the day, at the CDS show, an Asian man (who spoke not a lick of English) spilled 2 of his popcorn tubs on his way to his seat where his family of 4 was waiting. The sadness over such a simple thing broke our hearts when we saw what he had done, so we decided to do something about it. An usher had told him he could go get more popcorn, but it was apparent he didn’t understand, and the usher didn’t have time to help him. Rachel and I pondered and decided to attempt a random act of kindness. We went and got him more popcorn and took it to him, and even a non-english speaking man knows how to show his gratitude to an English speaking, die-hard American. He knew enough to say “Thank-you thank-you thank-you!” and we watched from out seats as the man and his family ate their large popcorn. You see, even though Vegas wasn’t the greatest first big-city of a honeymoon, and even though we missed dinner tonight for a Treasure Island Pirate show that got cancelled due to strong winds, and even though the weather was 3,483,881,305 degrees outside, and even though we were trapped into buying a 7 dollar water of Evian (it SO tasted like the same $2.49 water at the gas station!!!) little things bring you joy. From the Asian man with his popcorn, to the maid leaving Rachel’s lost necklace on the bathroom counter, to the Leon’s in our world who will offer to take a picture for you…the little things count. In the midst of Sin-City where sin is definitely rampant – all you have to do is look on the ground as you walk back to your hotel at night to see the streets and sidewalks littered with inappropriate images of father’s daughters offering “services”, there is still a glimmer of hope. If anything, our honeymoon thus far has shown us that true love is what counts (and waits), that you can still have good clean fun even though Joe Dirtiness and his groupies surround you, that being hounded by hotel workers who want to sell you a time-share to their hotel doesn’t have to ruin your night, and that occasionally, Leon will take your picture, and that will make your day!
From the Road Less Traveled,
Josh and Rachel

Vegas Highlights: Blue Man Group, Cirque De Soleil, Keno Winnings, M&M’s and Coke, Random spots of shade, Air Conditioning (Thank you God), WATER WATER WATER, (even 7 dollar water), Random Acts of Kindness, Leon from Australia, and the Nike Store.

Happy birthday Janet!!!!!!

Hasta Luego Boise, Hola Everywhere Else!

10PM, May 30th, the day before the big 30 day road trip, Josh and Rachel’s Pad: Progress on packing – Zero. Yeah, 30 days of away-from-home and we had absolutely nothing packed the night before. What were we thinking? Well, we were thinking “Gee, we got married this last weekend, had 20 million things to take care of through the week, had 2 weddings to attend less than 48 hours before we left, my brother’s graduation…hmm, maybe we should fit in packing.” So, at 2 AM, packing irritation had taken its toll and we decided to hit the sack in an attempt to get some amount of hours of sleep, which turned out to be less than we had hoped for. At 6 AM, Mother Nature thought it would be funny to kick in, and it kicked me (Josh) straight in the back of my throat – the ever dreaded allergy throat itch, the kind that you have to make a disgusting hacking sound in order to itch the back of your throat for a few seconds of solace from itchy-throat allergies. Rachel in turn wanted to kick me in the head (although she is too kind to say it), but like the amazing, loving wife she is, got me some water and consoled me, and we went back to sleep for another couple of hours, although I think we both felt the travel-excitement. We wanted to get out of Boise around 11:30 or Noon, but when do things ever go as planned? We finally got to my house to pick up my forgotten-about health insurance card around noon, then hit the Maverick for a quick fill-up. This is when the fun began. Apparently, it is an international violation of ethics to not pull your car out of the fill-up spot while you pay INSIDE the gas station when someone is waiting behind you, and Moses’ mother herself informed me as I got back to my car from paying for my gas that I should have more courtesy and pull out of the way for her and grandpa next time. While inside, I thought it necessary to buy 2 bags of ice as opposed to 1, which was to fit into our already over-flowing cooler in the back of our jam-packed Ford Escape. We pushed and shoved the ice into the cooler as much as possible, and realized oh, we need some dry ice to put into this cooler that has no more space available. As we pulled out of the gas station, I glanced down and noticed black and brown dirt and oil and tire tread all over the bottom of my shirt. I guess after I smashed the ice on the ground, I decided to rub the wet bag all over my shirt (not on purpose though). So I had my first change-of-clothing experience in the middle of the Walmart on Overland Road – nothing better than to bare your chest to the hundreds of drivers coming in and out of Wally World, but it’s probably fitting because that seems to be the theme for many shoppers these days at your local Walmart. So, finally, at 1:42 PM, we drove out of the parking lot and were headed out of Boise.
Thus far, outside of being yelled at by George Washington’s grandmother at Maverick (seriously, I don’t know how this lady was walking) and changing shirts at Walmart, nothing too exciting. Rachel saw the Lagoon Theme Park for the first time that she can remember (from the freeway), a little rain coming into Salt Lake that made the windshield wonderful to look through thanks to the smearing of around 53 bugs that ended their short lives, and we are now waiting for Dominos Pizza and watching our delivery progress online – yes, you can watch your order delivery online now, how exciting! The only other thing that was semi exciting was a 10 minute detour trying to find our hotel. Rachel came through though with some amazing map skills and got us to the right place at a decent time. She thinks she can’t read a map but I am witness to some pure map ownage today! Seriously, our honeymoon has been amazing so far, I promise! Salt Lake City is sort of a stop-on-the-way for bigger and better things. Tomorrow we’ll be hittin’ up Las Vegas, which is going to be incredible! Tomorrow we’ll see the Blue Man Group (from the FRONT ROW) and then the next day we’ll see Cirque de Soleil, which I hear is awesome! Overall, really great trip so far.
You can look at things a couple ways – One, everything that could have gone wrong did and we didn’t get to go to Spaghetti Factory like we planned and I got yelled at and my shirt got dirty and we couldn’t find our hotel right away and yadda yadda yadda, OR…we are at the beginning of a major life adventure, one we will never forget, one that we will remember for as long as we live, an adventure that will take us through 27 of the 50 greatest states in the world through the greatest nation on earth, through history and famous landmarks and famous places, all the while getting to spend time with my favorite person in the world, (and I think she would say the same ;o). It’s a time for a glass-half-full approach, because in the midst of economic downturn and war throughout the world and sadness and homelessness and atrocity here on the home front (can you believe this Jon and Kate plus 8 ordeal, sheesh!), it’s also a time of great people emerging and love and so many things to be thankful for – like a new family, new people, new gifts, new life together and new things all around. And hey, if worse comes to worse, I got to meet Grandmother Time today!

Salt Lake City Highlights! – Pizza, some cool rain clouds and lightning, a super nice hotel room, a hot tub, our first blog, thoughts of an exciting day tomorrow!

From the Road Less Traveled,
Josh and Rachel

License Plate Update: Idaho, Washington, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Indiana, Texas, Florida, Oregon, California, Colorado, Montana, Wyoming, Illinois, Oklahoma, Maine (16/50) - We played this game as I was a kid growing up, so we’ll see if we can see all 50 license plates by the time we are back!